A Goth Reads Forbiden Fruits: The Temptation
by TheFeaturedCreature
Summary: I read Forbiden Fruits and comment on it! YAY! It's my third installment of 'A Goth Reads a Troll fic'
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: What the hell am I doing? I really have no idea... Why do I like to comment on fanfictions that are bad?) I shall never know. I was going to ask Curtis to help me with this, but he said no, he couldn't stand reading another troll fic. His GPA dropped from 3.9 to -4.0**

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson**(VERSON)** of my story, hope its better this time**(It's not)**! btw i am young**(When I was in fourth grade, I won the spelling bee. My winning words were 'damnation' and 'government')** and have dyslexia**(My dad thinks dyslexia is an excuse for lazy children)** i find spellin hard but its meant2 be **unformal (Informal)** ok! no critisism pls**(Constructive critisism is good!)**! tis story goes out 2 my bf zac**(Oh gosh, shout outs)**(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL! EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him**(My ghetto friend spoke 'I wanna sex him' like in fourth grade.)** gud!) x x x x x x x love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx**(Don't forget the X's, obviously the author is an Erik X fan. i mean seriously, we get it. His last name is X, now drop it)**

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie**!(Vickie is a horrible proofreader))** i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.**(We can only hope)**

Chapter 1 - Altantiana**(Is Altantiana even a name? I know Rxe isn't, but that's the pseudonym I go by. And it seems way easier to spell than Altantiana)**

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah**(Realize the author's name is 'Becky' which is derived from Rebekah)** Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa**(Tia normally doesn't have two a's in it)**). I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington! My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist**(A is for Amber who drowned in a pool)**. My eyes are deep forgetminot**(Forgetmenot? Holy Curtis, we must not forget that her eyes are blue!)** blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight**(In other words, she's a virgin...)**. I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys**(*Eye roll* Typical male stereotype... I bet you anything this is Tara Gillesbie)** that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl**(The House Bunny)** (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt**(OPT, ICP, same thing)** with me its disgusting and weird**!(Because basically every dude who's over 16 is a perverted pedophile... you know there are many perverted women out there too. The stupid law just gives them a break because they're so damn melodramatic))**but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story. They say I'm too ivory white**(So she's saying these girls aren't virgins. A lot of people think I'm pretty... including Ricki)** and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways**(And she just said it wasn't nice to make fun of anorexic people...plus, I bet she's fat.)**, I think they were just being BIATCHES**(They're called 'bitches'. Did I ever tell you the time my good friend Curtis Jackson got called a bitch? He beat the dumbass up)** especially this one ratty brain called Ellie**(I had an imaginary friend named Ellie in second grade. I was a real loner back in elementary. My only real friend was Curt)** Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE**(Nettie finds this gross, what the fuck is up with shit? Is it in?)**! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible**(I am not a bad girl even if I do bad things, very bad things, such horrible things)** if you met her you'd think the same**!(I'd have to meet her first)**

Anyways I am quite tall**(So all beautiful women are tall? My mom is of average height and she is very beautiful. Nettie's mother is 4'9 and she is still beautiful. My friend Garrison would marry her)** and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body**(I'm suddenly glad I have a size B)** and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me**(I heard girls with big boobs are very self conscious about them. I heard they hurt your back a lot)**! I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair**(Pale blonde? Nettie has a very natural blonde... but I do not know what you would call it)**. I smell like mint and cinnamon**(Ricki gave a shampoo that smelled that way to Curtis for Christmas... he threw it away the next day)**. I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!**(Like My Chit Reeks)**

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie**(My middle name's Marie... BTW, I just read the author's profile. She says having a long name is long. My name is actually Janet Catherine Marie Kensington- Rex. I have two freaking last names! I like the 'Rex' more)**. They are nice and all very hole some**(She forgot the w in whole)** sweet people but it is not like having a real family. I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much**(Cause you're depressed)**. My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad**(It's Cauis)**. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him**(She will, when she has some sort of epiphany)**. Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall. I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste**(She's made out of waste...?)** and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it**(Well of course they would look at you! People look at me when I wear my widow's veil headband. I don't mind. People stare at Curt and his enormous selection of pants and black vests)**. I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils**(She means imbecils)** pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys**!(Why is every guy attracted to her?))** and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica**(Jessica's a short, fucking brunnette!)** to STFU(!) when she called me a freak! Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye**(Bauhaus reference!)** cause NO ONE messes with me nemore**(Lenore, nemore)**! My first day I was relay board**(You were on the relay board?)**, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept**,(That's very sadistic... the worse I ever said to a teacher was 'Shut up'... I got in a lot of trouble).**

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign**!(And she's sixteen? I think you have to be eighteen or older to get a tattoo. Ricki's getting one for his eighteenth birthday))** on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder**(Well, at least she didn't say she was a Satanist)**, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life**(No... it's a birthmark!)**. Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl**(No, you're a vampire)**. I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand**(Dark... forbidden... secret)**. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language**(**

**Curtis: Give it up for Erik's My-suh Space page!**

**Erik: My-suh Space page?**

**Curtis: Yeah, I'm speaking in tongues)**

and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it**(Cause they're speaking in tongues...I think Curtis has a speech impediment)**! I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color**(Boarding scar color)**! I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes**(LOL. First, the anti- Santa, now, the anti-lopes)** when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people**(Of course, because your taller... actually, Curt's tall and he's the weakest person I know)**. I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire**(They're called hormones)**. The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!**(That made no sense)**

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue**(Your eyes were smoldering dark blue?)** beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me**(Slim thighs curled under her feet)**. It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT**(Don't forget the HAAAWWWWWTTTTTT)** dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel **(Worst simile ever! Let's give her a standing ovation)**and pale sexy features**(Dude, I can like see your cheeckbone. It just popped out)**. He was tall and mussel**(the clams were hanging off his nipples)** and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once**(According to Miss. Necrophilia, corpses cannot get hot)** as I looked at him. I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt! A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant**(Little Shop of Horrors)** so i thought well whatevah, hes taken. She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though**(Because Mary-Sue, I mean Tia, was the hottest girl ever. Garrison told me that he finds her as appealing as a rotting fish)**. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking**(Bella's actually very pretty, she just lacks in personality, a sense of humour, and has no taste in fashion :D)** but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low**(All Time Low)**. So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs**(Drugs are bald!)** in the locker room while no one was there. As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine**(Just like in the actual book)**. I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope**(She made a smock out of dope  
>)<strong> in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class. I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!**(FRIIIICCCCKKKK)**

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)**(We know that. I'm hungry. Curtis, get me a bowl of Count Chocula, cause if I eat anything else, then I'm a prep)**

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven**(That sounds so fucking gross)** "please forgive me my lady"**(So now he's the highwayman...thanks for ruining my favorite poem, you bitch!)**

It was the hawt pale guy!** (No lie... Curt actually shot water out of his nostrils when he read this)**


	2. Chapter 2

'**AN: I have a story called _Forbidden Fruits_. It it the story of killer who falls in love with his victim's daughter. The daughter begins falling for him, too. It takes place in Revolutionary America. Why am I bringing this up? I'd like to compare my main character to this Tia. Yes, I made sure my character had flaws. She a pest at times, mouthes off, is extremely hyper, and is gullible. Tia is perfect in every way. Everyone praises her. My main character, Bess, is not praised. She is critisised by many people. Obviously, Tia is beautiful, slim, tall, and elegant with a 'grate' sense of fashion, while Bess, even though pretty, is very short and scrawny. But when creating a character, each character has its good traits. For example, Bess is actually extremely smart. And she doesn't have a long ass name. But my final point is, Tia is in fact a mother fucking Mary Sue... plus I took the Mary Sue test, my character is definitely not a Mary Sue...**

AN - VINCENT**(Vincent, if you ever read this, you are my hero. I love your reviews)** or watever ur name is thanx 4 the LAME reviw**(It's constructive critisism)**. u totall D*****(Dick)** no one is MAKIN u reed this fic if you dont like it then leave.**(What if I don't want to?)**

Clestal zodiac and brittany j - thanx for the advice on my character but shes not a marysue, she's not "perfect" look she has anger problems and she looks the way she does 4 a reason i will explain it as the story goes on.**(They're only stating the truth, dearie)**

Chapter 2 - edward**(At least she didn't say EdWORD)**

The anger faded form my sapphire eyes**(So here eyes are sapphires?)**

"whatevah" i said sweatily**(She was sweaty)** "I didnt mean to yell and to be ride**(She didn't mean to ride sweatily)**"

"thou are too beuatiful for that" he said, and for once I didnt feel like cockdropping the guy for paying me a compilement, instead I just smiled.**(Erik X never smiles)**

"I'm Ewdard **(EWDard)**Cullen" he mermered**(He's a mermaid)** "who are thee**?(As my character Bess would say "Tell me who you are")"**

"Altatntiana Loren but you can call me Tiana or mabye Tiaa" i said feeling shy at the way he was looking at me. I had seen THAT look in so many male eyes but never quite as intense or sexy**(Guys have sexy eyes?)**! His eyes **(Side)**burned like hot gold velvet in the midday sun like peonix feathers and rainbows, so gold and magical.**(Edward shits rainbows. How charming)**

"thou reminds me of bygone times**(The Victorian times! They shall live on!)**" he said, carefully retching out a shaking hand and brushing my cheek "thy face is like an old painting, thou is exceptional**(Wow... what a Mary- Sue)**""

"your not so shanky**(shanky?)** yourself but i couldn't help noticing you have a fricking GF, you ass! I saw u with her in the cafeteria!" I notched his hand hard with my long black nails**(They're fake)**.

"thee DID notice me then?" he purred with a sly grin**(Cause every man is horny. Not even in my _Forbidden Fruits_ is the man horny like that. I'm pretty sure my story won't even have a sex scene)**. I was up against the wall with his face right close to me now. He wanted to sex me I could tell, and suddenly he was kissing me**(Mwamwamwa smooch smooch)**! I felt like my slim legs would break in half and my heart expanded like a big balloon. I fell his hand sliding softly down my neck an underneath my top. He stoked my breasts for a few minutes**(Petting boobs... sounds weird)** and his man-carrot**_(man carrot_. Curtis and Ricki say that's fucking offensive...)** standing in action and hard as a rock against my legs**(He got a bonor)**. And then he ripped my top and pulled it of me and doped**(He dropped the top on the dope)** it on the floor. We made out for 10 minutes and then he tried to take of my bra but I pushed him away suddenly thinking WTF Tiaa are you just gonna let this total stranger take your cloths off in school where anyone could see you?**(Tia is such a Mary- Sue. Remember, she's a virgin)** I'd never let a guy kiss me before or touch me and suddenly I was letting this cheating sicko with a FRICKIN GF grope me just cause he was uber hawt with sexoy hair and cold as death!**(Curtis said something once... looks don't make the person, their heart is. And he's hot)** I was acting like a biatch and a slut and I was suddenly very ashamed of my actions.**(She's not a slut)**

-BASTARD**(YOU KILLED KENNY!)**! Never touch me again!" i gapsed

"If thou thinks thou can keep thou hands of me!" he answered all smug, and I couldn't believe how he made me feel so angry and so aroosed at the same time. At that moment I'd never HATED anyboy more in my whole life and the worst part of it was he was SO FREAKIN HAWT I was totally creaming my panties and he NEW it, this was horible! I felt disguised with myself and turned to leave.**(First of all Edward abstains from sex in the books and movies. This is so OOC)**

"Wait! I need to speck**(his spock)** to thee! I no your secret tiaa"he said in a quiet voce gassing into my eyes "your one of my kind. who made thee ?are you part of a coven or on thou own?**(She's on thou own)**

"what-is said sharply -dude your insane! And you freakin SMELL!**(Like Curtis!)** (he didnt really smell but I didnt no what else to say!)

"thy a CAMPIRE**(Interview with a CAMPire)** tia! a VAMPIRE! BUT WHY CAN'T I READ THOU MIND? I THOUGHT BELLA WAS THE ONLY ONE BUT HERE THOU ARE! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEEEEAN!"**(That you have no mind, Tia)**

He punched the wall with his buckly fist and shouted suddenly furious and his eyes flickered red. I schlepped him hard across the face**(hehehe!)** and tried to leave but he caught my waste and as I struggled and tried to hit him again he caught my hand in mid air and hammed me against the wall where his hand had already made a huge dint in the wall. His face was blunt and right heavy in mine. My knee came up hard against his massive throbbing gigglestick**(Gigglestick? If you must, call it manhood!)** between his legs and he drubbed over in pan**(You hit his manhood with a pan?)**. I broke free and goaded my books and started rugging away to math, but edward hand finished with me.**(His hand finished on her...)**

"TIAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOO!"he screamed after me tearing his shrit of himself in fury and throwing it over my eyes. I lost my sight and was behind me breathing into my ears.

"i'm sorry tiaa" he wimpered sadly picking me up off the floor and gazing mutely into my eyes "i didnt mean to rut thee! I'm so contemptuos! I APOLOGIZE! THIS IS JUST SO WEIRD!"**(This is just so weird...Edward speaks in Shakesperean)**

"YOUR so frickin weird you mean!" I snaped whitely**(How the hell do you snape whitely? Must ask the people with the man carrot)** as he lay on the floor so hawt and crying with his shirt off with his pippling**(Pippling? Dear Curtis)** body. I wanted to forgive him for calling me a vampire(VAMPIRE! I'd heard that one before from preppy losers asking if I sleep in a coffin and suck blood like LETSAT**(It's LESTAT)** just cause I like eyeliner and listen to Linken Park**(Vampires listen to Midnight Syndicate, Nox Arcana, and bands like that... I also love Midnight Syndicate and Nox Arcana)**)and making fun of me and trying to force me against the wall and maybe plunder my crevises but i didnt**(Wait, what?)**. I left him crying on the floor and went to find my class. As I entered math class i suddenly droped my bocks**(She can't even spell 'books'. Curtis is trying to hang himself in my closet for that)** again as a flashing pain burned in my left hand as my brithmark glinted gold for a second (NO JOKE**!(So she actually has a birthmark?)**then I fell over. The pain was suddenly gone and some weirdo blond freak called Eric**(Erik may be chubby, short, and kind of depressed, but he is REALLY nice! He just cusses a lot...)** was helping me up and staring at me like a pervo rapist**(And he's what, 17?)**. I kicked him in the sholder**(How could your leg even _reach_ up there)** (kung fu babie!)as he gazed longingly after me. In his frickin dreams. I sat down at the back of the class unable to think about anythin but my weird enconter with edward cullen, wondering what it all could mean.**(It means you're sexually frustrated in real life... even though you're 12)**

AN what do u think PLEASE R n R?.BIG SHoutout 2 my friend abigail gud luk for 2moro!)did u see i put the man-carrot thing in**!(Curtis, Ricki, and Thomas were ashamed to be males when they read that man carrot part)** LMAO! Also love 2 tiffi & rach(and zaccibaby of corse!) LOVE U GUYZ SO MUCH!X X X beckymac x x**(Don't forget the X)**


	3. Chapter 3

AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it**(This chapter is an abomination... it's not hilarious, it's horrible)**! thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it! oh an VINCENT ur so dumb**(Vince... I'm going to call you Prince Vince, because you are the best reviewer in the entire freaking universe!** of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz**(But obviously, she is)**! one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!**(It's called constructive critisism...)**

Capter 3 – uncle larry**(The description of this guy reminds me of Curtis' next door neighbor)**

I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day**(Me either)**. He was so beuatifull and sexoy**(SexOy)** with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me**(Oh my gosh!)**! But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all**(Because Edward is a total pervert in the actual serie)** when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt**(You're not pretty either... you're too pale)**. But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't. Suddenly the phone range

"hello "**(This is Erik's my suh-space)**

"hey, is that altantiana?"

"yah who is this?" I aksed.

"its Mike nooton**(Mooton)** from your class! I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe? Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going**(But remember, Tia is a goff) **and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please?**(WTF?)** -

"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked**(Dude, he hangs out with al da hawt chiks)**

"you mean bella and jessica's gang? Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you**(What a fucking Mary Sue!)**. And they can be mean sometimes**.(Even Angela, the sweetest girl in the whole series)-"**

"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP**(Jeepers, creepers!)**!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike**(He knows that Tia is Hairy)**! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like**(She has a point)** - I'm not THAT pretty anyways**(Oh wait, she doesn't)**! And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the**(Raisin)** bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was**!(With that little outburst, no GAY will ever want to date you)"**

"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine**(Now will you fuck me,because according to you all males are horny, perverted donkeys!)**. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe**(BREATHE, CURTIS, BREATHE!)**! How can't you have noticed that? And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting**(Because she is a Mary- Sue)**! Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "**(Then, Mike Nootoon showed Tia his man carrot)**

"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.**(GOOD JOB! She got 75+ on the Mary Sue Litmus test)**

"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen**(Or his massive man carrot)**. Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore**(Which sore?)**, a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably. I creamed myself**(LOL)**. My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore**(She's like a fucking nun)**. I was scared of the affect he had on me.**(Me too)**

"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door**(How the fuck do you put your head in da door)** suddenly**(What?)**

"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.

"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!"**(Everyone tells her that)**

"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that. I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.

"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this**!(This is a lie. Marie wants to die when she is with Tia)"**

"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing**(You are so embarrasing)**, I could look after myself!**(She creamed herself instead)**

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

"greeting a;latnaniana**(He's a martian... look to the skies)** my names uncle larry" said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face**(That's Curtis' neighbor, he's an Ac/Dc fan)**

"Hey - i said

"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you**(So now she's Renesmee?)**?"

"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears

"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly**( And Curtis' neighbor just met her)**

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed**(He rapes her anyway)**. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche**(Must we know it is a porche?)**. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me**(You just said he was watching you, like OMFTIZGAET *Falls off chair*)**! After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face**(He's Count Olaf's fat, twin brother)**

"wft**!(What fuck the?)"** i shouted

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet**(She means it in the sexual way)** and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes**(He ripped his cloths off)**. He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car**(His car has a bonnet? OMG!)** and spanked me on the ass for half an hour**(Sado/ maso relationship)** then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!**(This isn't funny. This is absolutely horrible. A victim of rape is emotionally and physically scarred for life...)**

"stop raping me!" I cry but he didnt stop! The pain was terrible**(I actually heard it doesn't always heard losing your virginity)** even tough his manhood was small**(She said it! MANHOOD!)**. I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there. I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street**(Midnight Street sounds like a song Creature Feature would sing... or maybe a remix of 'Erik's My-suh Space page)**. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-**(Thy must kill Ricki, or thou shalt kill thy beloved Curtis!)**

"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.**(Wonderful)**

**Author's Note: I wonder if any of you have gotten the chance to read 'The Battle of Silena Beauregard.' It used to be on my profile. I had to delete that horrid piece of shit that my cousin Scarlet wrote... Silena keeps getting raped. It isn't funny.**


	4. Chapter 4

AN = No flames pls**(PLS)**, theres no point**(Yes there is!)**!if u dnt like my story dnt read it**(But I like to read shitty stories!)**, its as simple as that! btw atlantiana is NOT marisue be cause look she is NOT perfect and not everyone in the stiry likes her**(PLS take the Mary Sue litmus test)**! she has problems and she has flaws and shes UNHAPPY would u like her life?**(I'd rather have Nettie's life)**i no i wouldnt, its totally tragic and horible.u flamers arent even makin sense1**(You aren't making sense)**

Chapter 4 - la push**(" PUSH!" Gabe shouted, pushing the door even harder.- Tenebre, Chapter 3)**

I sat quitely on the la push beech**(Beech)** apart form the party that was going on beside me. Mike Nooton was following me round like a pulpy and he was so borin**(She's a blonde Bella!)**! None of the things he had to say were interesting but I was nice to him because he wasnt a bad guy**(*cough* backstabber*cough*)**. My thoughts were elsewhere - i could'nt stop thinking about the events of last night, when uncle larry had raped me**(I don't find that funny)** and I had had my scary vision in the forest**(The Forbidden Forest)** and a tall p[ale guy**(Professor Slutborn)** in my mind had cale me his daughter**(He hath telekenesis)**. I didnt understand any of I felt so so awful that I had been rapped**(She had been rapped on her knuckles. She goes to the school Jane Eyre went)** by that hideous pervy SICKO**(SICKO!)** when I had bin saving myself for the right guy and for marriage**(This is 1901...)** and my virginity was torn from my grasp by that twisted guy**(That's a horrible attempt at um...nananananana)**, it was so crule and unfair, it made me want to cry**(This story makes me wanna cry bwahawahawaha)**

"omg MIKE watt are you doing talkin to HER**(Seriosly Mike, you should talk to Justin Bieber instead...)**?" I turned round and saw four nasty faces learing at us. It was the chearleaders I had seen in the cafetearia**(Because Bella is a cheerleader)**, and one of them was the girl dateing Ewdard Cullen, the brown hare**(I like to eat hares... I'm sadistic, I know)** girl who was standing at the back looking moody but not saying anything**(Bella's moody, she got that right!)**

"Stop being mean Jessica" mike said angerly**(Why? Tiaa's a total Mary Sue, it's only fair to give her a little bit of crap)** "tiaas' awesome and if you can't see that its just you bein blind and shallow and stupid like your all ways are**(*Facedesk*)**"

"yah I mean look at her clothes**(Seriously)**, she looks like a stupid goth biaach**(She IS a stupid bitch who WANTS to be goth)** with her slutty top and short skirt and fithnet tights is she a RAT HOOKER**(The clothing she's wearing makes her seem like a hooker!)** or what?" Jessica screamed. She was realy ugly when she shouted even though she was technology a hot chick and was dressed in skimpy pink clothes**(You're mean... really mean)**.

"you no what Jess, you and **YO(YO!)ur** frends are SO shallow and YOU are the real slut! you and bella and angela**(Angela's my favorite character!)** and laruen may were short skirts and low cut tops an stuff but that doesnt maek u beautiful! Its watt underneath that counts**!(YEAH! Like the tiny boobs or the umm... nananana?)****"** mike shouted

"yah, speakin of witch" said a sly blond girl in the gang who was called lauren, pointing at me "watts with her breasts, they are huge, I bet they are fake**(I second that opinion!)**!- she laughed and her friends all laughed too even bella and angela who had been quiet until then.**(I am cackling)**

I got up and pushed past them and ran away into the darkness**("Dude?" Gabe shouted at Jake, who was eating his cookies, "Those cookies are evil! PURE DARKNESS!"- Tenebre, Chapter 5)**. I cold hear them all laughing at me and i felt so embarrased I was relay sensitive about the waste I looked**(Her looks ARE waste. She looks like a garbage can!)** I hated the fact that it made all girls hate me and all guys stare at me**(Ricki is staring at Thomas eating)**, I would have given anything to be ugly or just inviable**(I'm beautiful!)**. I wasnt stuck up and didnt think I was beta than anyone else because of how I looked I just wanted people to treat me like a normal person**(Maybe you shouldn't have gotten those implants?)**! I could'nt help being slim and blond with relay big boobs it wasnt my fault I hadnt done anything wrong!**(Yeah. You were born)**

-are u ok?" said someone from beside me**(I'm not ok, I promise)**

"who arr you?" i asked. 3 realy pretty goth girls**(They're goth girls... Tenebre, Gabe, and Jake...wait, I'm sorry Autumn Casquette, I shouldn't have qouted you... I love your stories!)** were standing there smilin at me and I smiled back**(With the 'Bess di Cordero' smile)**

-we are tyffani, abigaille and rochelle**(Not Gabe?)**" they said smiling "you seem cool, do you want to be our freinds**?(But she hasn't even told you her name!)"**

"ya of course, i'm just a bit meloncolly cause those horrible chearleaders were bein mean jerks and saying my boobs were fake" i said**(They speak da truth)**

"omg, u mean jessica and bellas gang? They hate us too because we dont care what they think**(Well I don't care... must listen to 'Worlds in Between BRB)**" said tyfanni "they are just jealous cause youre the prettiest girl in the school now**(What a Mary Sue)** and theyre all plain next to you but we dont care about stuff like that, we only care about peoples personalities **(**

**Nettie Necrophilia- Personality: Hyper**

**Garrison Grim- Personality: Evil**

**Curt Jackson: Personality- Weird/Adorable/Evil**

**Mikey Carlson- Personality- Jackass**

**Rxe Rex: Personality- Morbid/Sadistic)**"

"cool" I said, and we talked for hours**(About nothing...)**

I talked to tyfanni, rochelle and abigail for hours**(Deja vu)** and they were so cool. I'd never had proper freinds before who didnt care watt i looked like or where I came from they just liked me for me**(OMGZQAFGGD... the stress gets to me sometimes)**, and I liked them cause they were uber cool**(She's using my 'uber' now... how dare she?)** and we had loads of stuff in common**(Like MCR...)**! But after a while they all went home and I stayed on the beech. It was getting late but I didnt want to go home to uncle larry in case he raped me on his car again**(He does... she thinks it's sexy, I think it's appaling)**. Soddenly I heard a voice from behind me.**(It was... Volderzmortes!)**

"well tiaa, thou seem to be causing quite a stir at school**(Victorian Goths do not talk that way...here's an example**

**Nettie: Yo.**

**Rxe: I like coffee!)**" his voice was smooth and sexoy and from another time**(SEXOY! New word!)**. Edward.

"what do you mean!" I demanded**(She demands it!)**

"basically every gay at school**(BWAHAHAHAHA!)** wants to have sex with thee**(THEE... if he talks that way, shouldn't he say 'making love')**, and every girl wants to eat thee alive for it**(To Serve Man at its worst... that was my fave Twilight Zone episode and my 6th fave song)**, hows that for causing a stir my lady?" he smiled and kissed my neck.**(He's kinda like Cap'n O'Crappy...**

**O'Crappy: GET YER ARSE DOWN 'ERE!**

**Eddie: Oh shiz, run Caleb! RUN!)**

"shut up jerk! Btw I met youre girlfriend before, bella I think her name is! I dont like her or anything, but how the hell can u cheat on her like that and kiss me how u did? Its sick ur a cheatin bastard and i should tell everyone**(She just said that a trillion times!)**. Tyfanni told me you and bella are like the schools golden couple**(Golden girls)** or something, watt would happen if I told ppl how you had acted in that corridoor with me**?(He would be arrested)"**

"OMG SWEET LADY! THY MUST NOT TELL ANYONE! " he screamed**(LOLZ)** "it was a moment of madness thats all! Im so so sorry for watt happened,i hope thine can forgive me, but ive promised myself to bella**(Of course... he imprinted on her)** and thats just how it is, no matter how much thou intrests me**(Good job, Edward!)**"

"fine, then stay away from me " I shouted**(Vince is a gay panda!)** as I left to go home but he followed me and grabbed me and pushed me down on the grind. I was burning with anger and fury but I wanted him so deafly i didnt even try to resist him. He new how much i wanted him and it drove me mad**(Sybil Insane)**. He put his hands inside my panties and i gasped**(Oh gosh, no! No more freaking sex scenes!)**. I was soddenly desperate to sex with him and i tore my clothes off and i was in my underwear**(She tore her clothes off...Curtis Rx is Wolverine's son TEEHEE)**. I took off my bra and showed him my naked heaving beasts**(*BLEELEEELGGHHHH***.

"have sex with me now edward " I whispered**(I am scarred for life...)**

" i cant " he said**(Wanna hear something funny? I was at the Eclipse premiere and Edward rejected Bella for sex and someone screamed 'Because he's Christian'. Kudos to whoever said that)**, although his body was on top of mine and his fingers touched my nipples**(Titty twist!)**

"please, i'm begging you" I said, hating myself for being such a dirty hore**(LOLZ. She's the biggest Mary Sue I've ever met... her name should be Mary Sue)** but unable to control my burning desire

-NOOOO!" he shouted and ran away crying.**(What a big baby)**

I put my clothes back on slowly feeling so ashamed and embarased i could hardly move**(Yeah, you should, you dirty whore)**. I could'nt beleive i had begged him to do sex on me and even worse he had said no**(He's only met you for like what, 3 days?)**! I went home and uncle larry made me cook his dinner and suck his cock while he ate his food**(Epic fail...)** and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night**(Wow... trolls are influenced by Rihanna big time... S 'n' M)** and i didnt even complain cos i felt like i deserved it for being such a horrible slut**(She reminds me of my aunt... who was an ex nun)** even though it made me want to die inside. Uncle larry finally left me alone and I thought about killing myself**(Erik X is emo! Emo! Emo! Emo!)** as i cryed and cryed**(You spelled 'cried' wrong. Twice)** as i fell slowly into a dreamless sleep.**(Bravo.)**


	5. Chapter 5

AN - can i have some reveiws pls?**(I would give you a review, but then I'd have to kill you... I'm a Ghallager Girl...Nah, I'm just sadistic)**

Chapter 5 - the talent contest**(And the winner for the worst fanfiction EVER is...nevermind, read it yourself)**

It was a week later and I felt like I was slowly dying inside**(She's like a flower...wait? WHAT?)**. My life had crumbled into pieces and I was alone in the horrible darkness of my mind**(Wonderful. You just disgraced the name of every author who likes dark humour...I'm writing a story called 'Grave Robbery at JacksonVille Morgue... I'm working on the title)**. the four **chear(She spelled 'cheer' wrong)leaders** had folowed me a round school and been mean to me**(I've been reading 'Marked'. Zoeybird strangely reminds me of Tiaa...)** for the last week making fun of my clothes and my purple streaked blond hair and saying i was too slim and that i had boobs like a pron star**(Dude, you _are_ a prom star)**. It relay**(Relay races!)** upset me. and also uncle larry had taken my clothed off and rapped me loads of times last week**(Call the fucking cops!)** and even though dave and marie were back home now every time they went out to different places they left me with him and he hit me and made me sleep with was so horrible**(Such horrible things...)** I wanted to die every time it happened**(I want to die every time I read this...)**. Edward Culen**(CuLen)** stared at me whenever he saw me at school but i just anchored him**(How the hell do you anchor someone? Do you tie them up to an anchor and drop it with them on it?)** and pretended he wasnt there i was so embaresed about watt had hapenned and I hated him for the way he made me feel and the fact that he was a cheater and an ass**(*Standing ovation*)**. I would probably have ended my life that week if it hadnt been for my lovley new freinds abbigaille rochelle and tyfanni**(My lovely friends are Nettie Necrophilia who seems to date a new corpse every single WEEK)**, who were all totally cool and helped me fight off the evil chearleaders**(BRING IT ON! The Goth Poseurs Vs. the Populars)** - i hadnt told my freinds aboit uncle larry and ewdard but it was nice to have some peopel who liked me anyways**(They like her... freaking miracle. You are either insane or getting paid to like her)**. I sat in the cafeteira with them at lunch**(WHAT THE *BLEEP*... technical difficulties)**

"hey tiana are you doing the talent contest tonite**(She's going to show everyone her man boobies! WOOT! MAN BOOBIES!)**?" rochelle asked me

"no way im not good enough**(But your man boobies are HUGE)**!" i said shyly**(Aww... how modest!)**

"omfg are you kidding! yor a AMAZIN singer**(Better than Curtis Rx? Nah, didn't think so.)** your the best iv'e ever heard**(Better than Ricki? Maybe... they have a cool band name 'Annoying Vegan Group')**, no joke!" shouted abbigaile**(Her name is 'Abbigaile'... nmananananana)**

"thank you but your just being nice**(She's not being nice. She's getting paid)**, im' not THAT good an even if i was i wouldn't perform**(But I'll have 'Happy Killers' preform!)**. I mean i hardly want to contract more attension to myself than i already have, the whole school is all ready talking about me saying watt a freak i am**(Freaks are one caste below fan ghouls... just sayin')**. I just wanna be an average person**(Women between 5'2-5'5= Average!)**"

"come on tiaa you HAVE to do it!" tyffanie said, "jessica and bella and the chearleaders win every time with there dumb dance routine**(Hey, dancing takes skill. I suck at it)** it is so annoying, they arent even talented someone needs to teach them a lesson hun**!(She calls them 'hun', like Attila the Hun)"**

"I dunno maybe" I plimpled**(Is plimped a word?)** mutely but I had no intension of actually doin it**(And she does it anyway)**.

Later on me and my freinds sat in the crowd and wached the contest. The chearleaders did there dance ruotine and they werent that awesome, they were just wearing slutty cloths**(About 80% of female dancers were slutty clothing. I don't understand!)** so all the guys could stare at them and cause they were popular no one was allowed to say they sucked**(Well there was this one time I told off the most popular boy at school because he was hurting an animal and then told him to 'treat your bitch that way'.)**. At the end bella ran into edwards arms and I felt flames of jelusy**(Flames of jelly!)** burning up inside me. they kissed for a long time and although he looked at me the whole time i still wanted to cry and scream**(Edward's a total man whore!)**.

The principal caked up**(The principal CAKED up... I love cake...even though I can't have ice cream cake)** on the stage and said

"and now for our final act...atlantiana rebeckah loren**!(PLU YOUR EARS! THIS IS GONNA BE WORSE THAN REBECCA BLACK!)"** everyone looked at me and I was shocked

"omfg who put my fringing name down for this!" I screamed**(Your 'friends' did)**

"who knows girl just get up there !" abbie**(Abbie did it)** pushed me towards the stage and I went up there.**(You didn't fight back?)**

I sang total eclipse of the heart**(My friends Thomas and Curtis had to much 'Monster' energy drinks and actually sang this song... they're so adorable!)** (punkrock verson so it wasnt sappy and lame or anythin**(Total Eclipse of the Heart is NOT lame!)**!0 and everyone watched me.**(Of course they did)** I was embarased at first but everyone semed to be enjoying themselves**(No... we were just being modest)** (exept the chearleaders who looked totally mad!LOL**(Lydia Olivia Larson)**) so I sang louder and louder and my voice soared higher than ever was like magic**(Nox Arcana is magic. you are shit!)**. I was waering a purple lacy top cut low enough that you could see my bra and a black skirt and purple fishnets and spiky black heels**(And she calls the cheerleaders whores? Look at yourself, amiga)**. the song finished and everyone looked happy and clangled at me**(She means punched at me)** and i went blushing to sit on my freinds**(Wow... are all trolls THIS horny?)**

"remind me to kill wichever one of you beeches**(Beeches= the cross between bitches and leeches)** put my name down for this!-" i said but i was smiling

"LOL" shouted rochelle "it wasnt us you no**(It was NuttyMadam! Thanks for the LOLZ)**!"

"and the winner is...ATLANTIANA REBECKAH LOREN! " the principal screamed extatically**(What. the. Fuck.)**. I went back up onto the stage and shock his hand and everyone appladed me and screamed my name**(Because you're soo popular... not, you fucking bitch)** except for jessica and bella who looked like they were about to kill me**(I wish they had)**, lmfao. My eyes strayed to where edward stood gazing baldly at me**(Edward is bald? What the fuck!)**. I all most fainted right then at the sight of him looking so hawt and gorgeous**(Not even I faint at the sight of Curtis Rx. He's hot, but he's not a god either)**. I dnt think anyone else had noticed but he had a MASSIVE erection**(Five dollar footlong)** it was so hawt and sexoy**(Yuck)**. I saw bella and jessica storming out of the room angry that i had won, and I smiled.**(I've seen things that you have only dreamed, bitch)**

Later on i walked home happily**(She skipped!)**, then a car purred up beside me. It was ewdard!**(I'm listening to 'Annabel Lee' right now... it's so touching and utterly beautiful)**

"get in the car i'll drive thee home sweet lady**(Get in the car so we can fuck. That's the transalation)**" he said in his beautiful old fashioned speech. I did as he told me without knowing**(Hasn't your father ever told you not to get in the car with strangers?)** were quiet for a minite**(A MINUTE)**

"you were awesome tonight**(He means gosh-awful)**, you have a stunning voice like silk and satin in the moonlight**(Ughh... she's trying to do 'The Highwayman' thing again. That's my favorite poem and I don't like you disgracing it that way)**. You looked beyond beautiful up on that stage**(Fucking gag me)**, like an old painting in a church**(Really)**. i wanted to charge right at u and kiss thine lips**(Can she just shoot herself if she's going to try to make a whole fucking parody out of 'The Highwayman'?)** right there" he still had a huge erection**(Five dollar footlong)** and i wanted to touch it so badly**(*Facedesk*)** but i didnt.

"i think BELLA might have had somethin to say about that**!(Good, Bella should be useful for once and kill Tiaa)"** i snapped "where is she neway**(I threw her in the Neitherworld. Now Lydia Deetz has something to complain about, isn't that right, gothy?)**?"

"at home sulking cause she lost the contest**(I would feel cheated to if Tiaa beat me! She's horrible!)** and had a total hissy fit and cryed for hours **(Like Curtis Rx when he's forced to throw out his beloved corpses)**because thee was better than her**(Thee, thine, holy craz! Is Edwardz Shakespeare?)** in the contest**(Is it disturbing, is it a crime? Yes Edz, itz a crime to try and be Shakespeare)**"

"how mature**(I agree)**" I said sacastically**(Cyanide and ice and nothing nice. That's what Tiaa's made off)**. At that moment edward pulled his car to the side of the road and looked me in the touched my hand **(AWWWW)**and I slapped him hard in the face**(Next time Curtis holds my hand, I'll do that!**

**Curtis: *Holds hand***

**Rxe: *Slaps face* FUCKING SICKO! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET UNDER MY PANTS OR WHAT?)**

'YOU WILL NEVER TOUCHE ME AGAIN U SICKO**!#(Insert 1 here. Edward is SICKO!#1)"** I wailed and kept hitting him in the face and chest**(Was it hairy?)** "last week I fuckin BEGGED u to sex on me**(She either means to 'make love to me' or 'have sex with me' or she wants to be used as a bed)** and you turned me down! I have never been so humilated in all my frickin LIFE**(EAT THE FUCKING MACARONI ART!)**! Watt the hell is wong with u? One mimite your all over me and the next its like i dnt even exist**(That's because you suck, Tiaa)**! dnt fuckin touch me. EVERR**(xe...Rxe! R-X-E!)**!"

"its complecated tiaa my lady**(I'm going to shoot myself now...)**. Im sorry i hurt thine feelings. Its just i cant resist thee, but i cant be with thy either**(This is a horrid example of Forbidden fruits... a good example is if Curtis loved Ricki, but Ricki didn't because he wasn't gay, but still... Curtis is gonna kill me for saying he's gay. He's not. Still love you, C.J.)**. I never ment to drag thou into this mess, its not thee fault i totally ruin everything.**(You're right Edward, you DO ruin everything)** Im so SO SORRY. IM DESPISABLE**(Despicable Me was a GREAT movie... Curtis has a thing for baby movies... hahahaha, and he likes Creature Feature! TEEHEE)**!"

"its me or her "i said bluntly**(Bluntly, curtly, sweetly, shittly)**

"i cant make that choice tiaa - he wept**(He'll start keening in a few seconds)**

"you are going to have to!"**(No der, well Edward seems like a freaking polygamist)**

"first thee have to tell me who thou relay are!"**(She's Tiaa, you piece of shit... wait, I meant Mary-Sue)** he said "who were thy parents?what are thee**?(LOLZ)"**

"my mom dies when I was bored**(So your mommy is like a pheonix? She dies, then comes back to life, then dies again? 'Rise Lazarus Rise' by Rufus Rex seems like an appropriate song)**, I never new my father**(Bastard... bast*Gets hit by Curtis* OWWW!)**. Thats it." i said

"we BOTH no thats not the full story. Your a vampire, like me**(Do you sparkle in the sun? If you do, you're a fairy, not a vampire)**"

-omfg i'm NOT a frickin vampire! I think id have noticed u total dipshit**(She would've)**"

"you don't drink human blood"- he asked**(No...)**

"i dont drink any blood u asshole. Is this ur idea of a joke, cos no ones laughing**!(I am!)"** i got out of the car and ran away feeling insulted**(I hope Tiaa gets hit by a car... )**.i didnt want to see that stupid hawt jerk**(Hawt jerk= Garrison Grim... he's soo hot)** ever again! I went home. But i couldnt get rid of the memory of his sharp erection**(LOLZ...is it weird that I find the erection kinda offensive?)** and deadly cold body. i cut myself **(EMOZ! UNYTE!)**and went to sleep in tears.**(BWAHWA...my life stinks!)**


	6. Chapter 6

AN - dnt all just attack me for the things writen in this chapter about Tiaas parents, i havent explaned everything yet an it will make more sense later**(Like Vince the gay panda?)**.

Chapter 6 - the curse**(There's a carrion curse...)**

-Oh ewdard with your skin so white**(Oh Curtis, with your skin so light)**

Your eyes like amber out of sight**(Your eyes like browness of a brownie)**

Pale angel in my eyes**(Poor little lost boy in my eyes)**

Hair like gold rosy sunrise-**(Hair the deepest brown that is almost black)**

I read the words of my poem out quietly**(How do you read out loud quietly?)**. I had written a poem about Edward**(aka the Highwayman wannabe)**, i just couldnt help myself. I hated myself for doing it but i couldnt get him out of my mind and it was the only way i could deal with my feelings**(By writing shitty poetry?)**. Soddenly my mind went black and i felt into a trance**(OH FUCK! NOOO!)**. A tall pale man stood in front of me all ghosty and misty like he was only half there.**(That's just sick)**

"my daugher? My daughter?" he moaned**(moaned... sexily!)**

"who are you?" i wispa**(Only Lenore is allowed to 'wispa')** quietly

"i am your FATHER**(NO YOU'RE NOT! ERIK X IS!)**! I AM CAIUS FROM THE VOLTURI!**(Caius, the dude who gives the lady's a run for their money)** Your in terror and peril **(PENAL! PENAL! Gotta love that evil genius!)**my daugher! Beware the vampire boy called edward!"**(Why? He seems kinda nice, even though he totally leads his girl into an unfortunate downfall involving blood, gore, and ostlers! HELL YEAH!)**

"why?" I said

"you mussent let him sex you**('Sex you'? WTF is that supposed to mean? That's freakin' hilarious!)** or the curse your mother tried to protect you from will fall on you...you'll become a VAMPIRE**(Can someone explain how you become a vampire if you fuck one? I know you become a necrophiliac, but a VAMPIRE?)**! And you will never be safe! Only as a human can you be safe from them..." then he faded and I was awake and uncle larry was standing at my door.**(Uncle Larry is my favorite character... oh yeah!)**

"take ur clothes off now you moldy slut**!(Moldy?)"** said uncle larry and he smiles horribly**(Such Horrible Things)** with his yellow teeth

"no i wont" i screamed but uncle larry came over and hit me. I was strong for my size**(But she said she was tall!)** but he was a huge fat man like 300 pounds in weight**(That's fatter than Erik X)** and stronger than me. He took my clothes off and chained me to the bed**(S&M, S...S...and... M)**. I new he was going to rape me again. But at that moment someone came running into the room and hit uncle larry across the head with a stick**(Hhahahaha!)** and knocks him out cold**(Since when did we get into 'present tense'... since Curtis went 'nananaa' on his guitar. That's actually really hard to play)**. Uncle larry laid there bleeding and i looked up at...EDWARD!**(OH NO! It's EDWARD!)**

"omg my sweet lady**(One kiss tonight my dear!)**" he cried! "what has this frightful asshole been doing to thee**(You can't use 'asshole' and 'thee' in the same fucking sentence)**?"

"he's been raping me and hitting me" i weeped sadly as edward unchained me and i put my clothes on. Edward turned away whale I dressed so he wasnt perving on me**(Perving on me? All the girls are pervs because they watch each other undress in the locker room)**, and he looked down at the poem I had wroten.**(Oh shit! NO! That's only meant for Curtis Rx's eyes *Jumps on Edward*)**

"for truth!these are the most beautiful words I have ever seen, it makes me feel so very moved**(Actually, I can make a better one:**

**Dear Erik, your eyes are like shit**

**Your face is really fat**

**You should lose some weight and work on your landscaping)**" he cried "i wish i wasnt promised to someone else then i could write poems for thee**(What. the. Fuck.)**"

"why are u promised to bella anyways" i ask**(Because Stephenie Meyer said so. Right, you silly Erik?)**

" Be cause i made a promise and i cant' break it, it would be rude and ungentalmanly**(Ungentalmanly... of course)**. Bella never used to be like she is now,when i fist met her she was sweet and shy and was never nasty about everybody**(LIKE OMGZ, WTF? Did you see Kaleb Fucking Killjoy?)** but she has changed and so have her freinds. I dont know watt made her change, maybe it is mine fault, she just seems angry all the time now."**(Dating Edward changed her. It would change anyone)**

"Yah that makes sense I guess" i said.**(No, it doesn't)**

We left the house and went to walk in the woods. We talked about loads of things and it turned out we had a lot in comnon. We liked all the same music**(Really? You like Creature Feature too?What about Bauhaus? Souxise and the Banshees?** and movies and books and stuff, it was like magic.**(Vodemort hath telekenesis)**

"you know maybe bella is unhappy be cause you guys are not in love like u used to be**(Since when where they ever in love?)**, and u should brake up with her so she can move on and your can both be happy" i say**(Yeah, like you and Curtis should totally adopt an Indian baby!)**

"she all ways used to say that shed kill herself if I left her**(Bella's emo, that's why)**. I could not be responsable for her death! I just don't get what has happened to her she used to be nice and sweet like thou my lady**(Thou!)**. And now i am falling in love with thou and it is all such a darn mess**!(NO! It's a troll fic!)"** He hit a tree in frustration and it broke. He was so strong, i guess cause he was a vampire.**(Cause he was Edward)**

"your falling in love with me?" i ask, my cheeks going all red and my heart starting to sore**(Oh highwayman, I'm gonna shoot myself to save you, and then you can fuck my dead body!)**

"omg, forget I said that!" he looked relay embarassed and it was so cute**(Like Curtis Rx's smile?)**. He had a big erection too.**(Like we really needed to know that... thanks a lot)**

I retched out and grabbed his hard throbbing male object.**(Can't you just call it a penis?)** We couldn't controll ourselves any more and we both fell down on the floor and got naked and made love. It was amazing and lasted hours and I had never been so happy in my life i felt like i coud die with happines**(Like in the Sims 2 when the green thing shoots out fireworks. Haha)**. But after a while edward started to freak out and cry.**(It seriously was too much for him)**

"I HAVE BEEN SUCH A FOOL!" he screamed "i should not have let that hapen! I hope thee can forgive me, i must return to Bella!" and he ran away.**(But i caught him and killed him! I'm so nice!)**

I could not believe it. It was like my world was caving in all about me.i was so socked and angry i could not even cry or scream. But as i lay there i started to fell diferent, like RELAY diferent**(Congratulations! Welcome to Club Necrophilia!)**. I suddenly remembed watt my father had said to me about not making sex**(Making LOVE. or HAVING SEX)** with edward or he woud turn me into a vampire! My skin was getting all hard and pale and my eyes could suddenly see a lot clearer than before! I could hear lots of little noises even form relay far away. I even wanted to drink blood!and i could smell a human comin closer, he was almost here**(It's actually a gay panda)**

"There you are you horrid SLUG!" it was uncle larry "where have u been? I'm goin to rape u now!"**(I don't understand why all males are perverted in these stories! I have a bunch of guy friends and most of them aren't perverted and not one of them has gotten under my pants)**

Something in me snaped. I jumped at him and broke his neck and drank his blood! i had always ben strong for my size but now i was SUPER strong!He looked so surprised and it was so GOOD! Soon i dropped him on the floor and he was...dead!**(OH NOEZ!)**


	7. Chapter 7

thanx for the revews!**(You're not welcome!)**

Chapter 7 - Surprises!**(WTF?)**

I woke up sheepishly**(In other words, she woke up, looking like a sheep)** and wandered where I was for a minute. I got out of bed, wandering if all the things that had hapened to me last night were just a dream.**(They were a dream withing a dream within a dream within a dream...)** I went downstairs for breakfast and sat down with Dave and Marie. THey look at me and smiles adoringly.**(WE DON'T LOVE YOU, TIAA)**

"wow tiaa i love your new hair and contat lenses, your look so beautiful!"**(Wait, whut?)** said marie with her face all bright and happiness.**(I shit rainbows)**

I got up and look in a mirror. Holly shite**(She uses the word 'shite'? NO!)**! I looked totally diffrent! For the first time I could see my face was truely beautiful, it was even prettier than before**(She's even a BIGGER Mary Sue than she was before)**. My eyes were a weird silver color like wet pools of noble moonlight in distant medows**(I'm trying to tell you, this is the erotic version of 'The Highwayman'!)**,and my ivory gold hair seemed to shimmer like the suns burned rays in the morning**(Ok, WTF?)**, with the purple streaks shining like neon lilac**(NEON LILAC? Is that even a COLOR?)**. I was radiant and magical and looked awesome. My skin was even more pale than before and my features more delicate and queen-like, my nose was small and dashing and my cheeks were high and pale and my chin was soft but majestic. I was amazed. Suddenly the phone rang and nuked me out of my silent staring. Dave answered it.**(Yo, this is Dave! FUCK YOU! I DON'T HAVE ANY CONDOMS!)**

"what? oh my god! Your kidding! This is inconsideratable**!(Is that even a word?)"** and he hung up

"whats happened honey?" Marie asked smiling**(My penis happened)**

"uncle larry is died, it looks like he was ripped apart by a wild beast! I feel so sad! he was my brother**(Ok...?)**"

I suddenly remembered what I had done, and i screamed and ran to school. I felt so awful and giulty for what I had done! I new uncle larry was a perv **(He's pedobear)**and a rasist and even thou**(Thou he raped me?)** he had raped me and tied me up and spanked me and made my life hell I still shoudnt have killed him!**(YES! YOU SHOULD'VE!)** I was going to explode with guilt. i ran through the forest towards the school but suddenly a large thing appeared in front of me. it was a bear - a big panda bear!**(What the fucking hell?)** it was huge and fluffy and realy cute, but I was scared as this was a totally weird thing to happen.**(I agree!)**

"greetings atlantaina!" it said**(Pandas can't talk!)** - i was totally freaked out - since when did panda bears live in Forks**(EXACTLY!)**? And since when did they SPEAK? I was totally confused**(I am too!)**

"WTF?" i screamed!**(I'm laughing my ass off reading this (My ass really hurts, but this is tooo funny))**

"I'm a panda bear, my name is Snooflanti-tatuna**(Ok, what kind of a name is THAT?)** but you can call me Snoofles**(I just imagined Curtis Rx reading this sentence... while eating a bacon cheeseburger)**."

"A talking PANDA BEAR?" i shouted furiusly**(I KNOZ!)**

"I cannot talk like humans can, but your not human anymore so you can understand me. You can talk to animals. You probably have other powers too you just don't know it yet"**(Because she's a Mary Sue!)**

"like watt?" i said**(I dunno, touch that chick's tit)**

"I dunno, touch that tree" said Snoofles, smiling at me. I touched the tree and consentrated hard and even though it was winter the tree suddenly started to bloom huge bunches of flowers. The flowers cascadad down like a river onto the bare forest floor. i took my hand away in horror. The flowers were so beautiful they made me think of edward. then i remembered how he had left me after we had made love, and i became angry. I touched another tree and it burst into flames. It was as if the trees turned into things that somehow reflected how I was feeling!

"OMG, how is this possible?" i said**(It's possible because you are a wonderful thing called a Mary Sue)**

"Don't ask me I'm just a panda**(I'm just a panda in the world)**, lol" said Snoofles with a big grin and he raised his eyebows,"but I'm so happy to find a person who can understand my speaking! i al; ways wanted a human friend! will you be my human friend?"**(NO!)**

"well yah ok" i said, "but i have to go to school now so I'll see you later Snoofles ok?"

"that's cool" said Snoofles "i'll see you later"

I ran away and was totaly weirded out by my meeting with Snoofles. I was almost in a trance at school and even though people starred at me and made coments about my new apperance I had never cared less.**(Because you fell in love with Snoofles, you stupid hobknocker!)**

in gym class I ran around dressed in my gym clothes. i was playing dodgball and the cleerleaders kept throwing there balls at me realy hard like biaches but i was dodging them at the speed of light**(Like Buzz Lightyear**). Lauren came over to me and tries to hit me over the face with her balls**(HER BALLS! HAHAHAHAHA!)** and I slapped her in the face.

"WTF you freaky goth tudor**(Why are you guys ragging on the Tudors?)** bitch!" she shouted with her ugly face flapping like a big bag

"leave me alone yeah?" i said looking more beautiful than ever**(PFFFTTT)**

"no - ill never leave u alone becase your so werid! what has hapened to your face its like your from another planet, your so pale and delicate its freaking everyone out and we all hate you!"**(Even that weird gothmo kid in the corner)**

I was so mad i pushed her but when my hands touched her arms her skin started to blister and froth in a totally gross way and she got struck by a bolt of lightning.**(How the hell is that even POSSIBLE?)** She wasnt dead or anything but she looked totally disgusting and she got taken to the hospital.**(Bye, bye Lauren)**

I didnt look for my friends and after gym class I sat in the changing rooms after everyone has left and cried becase I felt so sorry for watt I had done to uncle larry and to lauren. I was sat there wearing a very short leather mini-dress and red ripped tights and a skull necklace and a gothic top hat with feathers on it. Suddenly I heard a voices from behind me

"Tiaa? Tiaa? It is I Edward Cullen**!(How can a guy get into the GIRL's locker room?)"** said edward. i turned to kook at him and he gasped in a high piched way**(Edward is Justin Bieber now?)** and fell over onto the floor. I was mad at him and totaly upset about other stuff so i didnt check to see if he was ok. He got up in a minute.

"I fainted Tiaa, thou is so sexy and exqisite i lost my contentioness**(What the hell is 'contentioness?')**. Thy face is even more sacred and filled with shinning glory than before, I am amazed" but then he noticed I was crying tears of soft blood and he said "what is wrong with thee?" said Edward**(I WAS STABBED THROUGH THE EYE, YOU JERK!)**

"I killed someone Ewadrd! I killed my uncle and drank his blood and I think I made lauren get stuck by lightning"

"its ok Tiaa he was evil and noone cares about lauren**(Yeah, even though she's one of the most popular girls at school)**" Edward says to comfort me and he put his arms round me**(Since when did we get into present tense?)**

"still watt i did was awfull and anyways GET OFF ME!" i stood up and shock him off me "dont come near me ever again! I havent forgiven you for whatt happened last night! We did sex**(We did sex is the dumbest thing I've ever heard)** and you left me there in the forest!"**(Poor you)**

"I'm sorry! I cannot stay away from thee and yet I cannot be with thee either" he cried and threw his hands up and weeped**(You already said he cried, dumbass)**

"make your mind up Ewdard! this is a serious thing! Ether stay here with me now and screw me**('Make love to me, now!' 'Whut doez dat mean?')** and be with me forrever or leave and go be with Bella! Make youre choice right now**!(IN THE GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM!)"**

"I choose thee Atlantnina! Bella is a big mean cow**(WHUT?)** and I cant be with her anymore! I will never leave thou side again my lovley damsell**(DAMSEL? MY ASS!)**!"

He started to cry and I kissed him. He was so amazing. His yellow eyes and tussled aubon hair and pale skin made me want to screw him all the time, I'd never seen anybody look so perfect. I took off my dress so I was only wearing my underwear and i sat on his knee and we kissed a lot. He touched me all over and I felt dizzy and week.**(Why are Mary Sues such whores?)**

"Do you mean it edward? You'll be mine forrever?"**(No, I'm just fucking with ya)**

"I does, i shall be thy mate" he said beautifully in his smooth hot velvet voice**(Purple prose)**

I found some handcuffs on a bench and I tied him to a hook**(What is it with 'goffs' and S&M?)**. he was unable to move and i took his pants down and looked at his throbbing lavender man-fruit thing**(I told my new drummer Bozo this. She found this super duper offensive, and she's a female. I wonder how Thomas would feel about this... man-fruit!)**. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen**(A penis is PRETTY?)** and I put it in my mouth and sucked it and he thrusted madly untill he had an orgasm in my mouth. The hot juice flowered in my mouth and it was magical. Sodenly a voice came from behind me**(What a slut!)**

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOU EVIL RODENT PEOPLE**(T.H.E.M. reference!)**? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU BOTH AND NOW I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!"

It was Bella Swan!**(It was... Curtis Jackson, the person with a man-fruit!)**


End file.
